MDM,

Bertha has failed to attend her last seven 'check ups'. However, do not fear. Well... I guess that's easy for me to say because all the fear I ever had got pounded out of me at... THE ACADEMY

I'm keeping watch and will inform you if i find anything.

FRANK <3

Hey Bertie!
What's up girl? I wanted to see if you were all right. I haven't heard from you in a long time, but I have been seeing Broch weird places around town. Like uh, the beauty parlor that Nicole works at. Can you tell him to stop following her around, that she isn't
interested in him? I don't want him to get his feelings hurt. What are you doing this Friday
night? Do you want to go eat dinner and see a movie or something? Oh right, you said you
had a protest or something going on that night. Why did you ask if Nicole and I were going
to be together then? You are acting strange (no offense), and I don't get it. Could you please help
me understand? Gotta go. I need to study for a history exam. BARF!
Midge

Hey bert,

dIS IS DA MOST AMASING TING IVE EVER DONE i fond out dat dat nicole hangs out at the new BEUTY palor or somtin like every night.so like if you want to talk to her we can doin it dere

brokilie

E-mail:
To: frankenfurter@cops.com
From: mdm@eduserve.edu

Listen...I think we have a problem. Both Midge and Nicole skipped the dorm meeting tonight. Nobody saw them at supper, either. I'm worried.

Hey MDM, I told Midgie about her friend, and she showed me some of her pictures on Facebook...she looks like such a weirdo! There was this one picture of her marching around a fast food place with a sign that said something like "Cows are our friends, not food"How dumb can this girl get? Cows were always meant to be eaten! Well anyways, don't worry about me, I know some pretty awesome ninja moves, so if that cow-lover comes at me with a baseball bat or something, I'll be ready!
-Nicole

Nicole! I just found out Manuel has been on a vacation to Depot, Mississippi for the past two days. BE CAREFUL around campus, and don't take any chances.

M.D.M.

Nicole,

I've asked Manuel the Security Guard to keep an eye on you, so that's probably why you have the feeling you're being followed. Your roommate has a friend back home...a friend with a criminal history. Her parole officer is looking for her. Tell Midge that if she sees her friend, she needs to let me know. And stop by my room and take a look at her mu...uh...picture. Remember, be aware, be prepared...the best defense is to attack!

M.D.M.

PS: Someone put a flier for a heating and air technician on my car windshield yesterday. I'll call him and see what we can do about the air conditioning.

Hey there Mad Dawg,

A few days back when I was just about to dig into an awesome burger, this big dumb guy came to the door asking for Midgey, my roommate! Of all guys, you had to let him in? But so anyways, I told him that Midge was in class...and then he either asked for my name or my number (I couldn’t tell, there was too much drool coming outa his mouth), so I told him to get lost, but he kept blabbering...I think he was talking about the air conditioner or something. He finally left, but ever since then, I’ve felt like someone’s following me…but I don’t think it’s him, because he’s too dumb to do all that sneaking stuff. Just keep your eyes open for extra dumb guys and anyone unusual. Oh yeah, I think the air conditioner is broken.
-Nicole

Dear Frank,

Thank you for the warning. It was thoughtful of you to attach a copy of Ms. Bellweather's mug shot for identification purposes. I have alerted Manuel, head of campus security, and he, too, will be on the look-out for the young lady in question. I did meet the brother recently. He seemed lost and confused, and basically harmless. Of course, this could have just been a ruse to lull me into a false sense of security. I shall be doubly vigilant.

Perhaps it would be helpful if you were to tour the campus...get the lay of the land...reconnoiter, as it were? Perhaps you might notice something I've missed, since you're the professional. I'd be happy to show you around. I get fifty percent off at the campus cafe and they make a mean apple strudel and a cup of coffee so strong it could just about stand, salute, and walk out the door.

In any event, I'll step up my patrols around the dorm, and keep you apprised of any developments.

Sincerely,

MDM

Dear Brok,

-.- Midge wasn't there? Just some awesome girl? Did her name happen to be Nicole? GEEZ! Im being replaced. I think I might need your help with something. It invloves Nicole. You in? I'm going to, well uh, pick her up. And take her someplace. Wanna help? All you have to do, is find out where she's going to be on staurday night. I'll buy some rope, and things, and you just have to come along for the ride. Mail me back, telling me where's she gonna be you dim-wit. Thanks brother dear. NOW GO FIND OUT!


-Bert

September 16, 2010

Hey Bertha!
College life is so exciting, isn't it? Well, maybe it isn't as exciting as it seemed,but I am still enjoying it! It seems like two months have passed not two weeks because I am still
looking for a job! I applied at the campus bookstore and coffeeshop, and I really hope one of
them lets me have the job, you know?

Oh, I want to tell you about my amazing new roomate. Her name is Nicole Fields and she is one of the most gorgeous people you will ever meet. (You will come visit me the next
open dorm day, right?) Her hair flows down her back like a rich black waterfall. And she eats like
a pig, but never gains an ounce! If only you and I could do that, huh? Any of the males within a ten foot radius all flock at her feet. You wouldn't believe it. I have been studying really hard, and
she doesn't seem to care whether she gets an A or an F. But we both get the same grades! She
is soooo perfect. I guess you might be kind of hearing about her.

So, what's new with you? Which college did you get into? I forget. Or did you get into one at all, no offense. I wish you were my roomate, but then I would have never met the Nicole-the-Angel, so I guess it's a good thing we ended up going to different colleges. Do you like any of your professors? I adore my English professor, but my calculus one doesn't realize there are people out there that don't live and breathe everything math. How are Broch and your parents? I'm sure they must be missing you terribly. : )

This really weird thing happened the other day. Nicole said that this jock knocked on our door while I was out doing errands. A guy in the girl's dorm! I have no idea how he got in because our dorm mother doesn't miss anything. Anyway, Nicole said that he stood there stuttering, practically drooling at her like all the guys do, but he was asking for me! If you have any idea who that mentally-challenged, dumb jock was, then let me know.

TTYL!
Maggie (Now, no one but you calls me that. Everyone calls me Midge. Isn't that awesome? It was Nicole's idea.)

August 21, 2010

MD Monahan,

I was going to warn you that Bertha Bellwether is on the loose. I found out her brother, Brock, attends that same college. Knowing her, i'm sure she used his... well... I' m not sure what you'd call that, to her advantage. Watch for her running around campus, I'll check in every little while, but until then, BE CAREFULL. If her van can knock over a telephone line, i'd hate to see what it could do to a person...

Frank

August 17, 2010

Bill and Beverly Bellwether,
I cannot get a hold of your daughter. I tried contacting her via cellphone but she won't answer. I was wondering if she was living with you and if so, why she wasn't responding. She failed to come to her last appointment and because of that, I will now have to 'punish' her.

Frank

i foud midgie august 15 2010

so 4 the past few dayes i is been lokin allround 4 midge. and ten i saw a buiding tat sayd girls on the front and i remeberd that midge is a girl. so i taught tat m idige mite bee in tere. so when i tryd t2 open the door this old person kame to me and she askd me y i is tryin to git in the girls palacel. and i sayd cause yous told me t2 s and she say is ant suposd to get in tere with out an imergecy. caus e she says that tath is girls place and i ant suposd to go tere. so ten i remebered tat trick you now that like uncle bankie u know that clown told me a nd so i went arond back and i toke my poket nife and inscrewd the front off the air conditoner and crawd up unside and then sqezd tru till i got in2 the hall and i insrwed the vent tere and fell in3 the flore then i lokd at the sins on the dores in it sayd 210 g so is went over 2 to215g andknocd, then this drop dead amacing ckick askd me what i twas doign tere and so i told her i i was looking for idge and she sayd she wasnt there adn that shed tell her i kame and ten i ask her her nam adn she sayd get this she sayed shut up shut up to me can u beliv it to me adnso i taguht she must like like me ore somtin cause younow and so i wwas gong 2 ask her like wat shes was doeing t2nigt butt she said get los t 2 me it was amazin so i lift and i am gong to o back to morrow

ur bro

brokile

agust 8 2010

bert,

so today wen i twas like going 2 my romm i lookd at that romm that i told u i whent 2. and on the front it sayd 215 B. so i twas tinking and du chick sayd that midgei lifed in romm 215 G. and ten i twas tinking moor and i saw that i went in romm 215 b knot 215 g. so i tink i is goning 2 go to fined wear 215 g is

ure brothr

ernie ;p

brocky poo

Mision instopable feberari 4 2010

Deer Bert,

I found out wear midge lives from tis realy hot chick. So i went over there cause you now u told me too. So the chick sayed that midge lifed in room 200 G. SO I WAS LIKE COOL CAUSE I U NOW THAT like i live in romm 215. so likeit 's rite down the hall. sO i whent tere andit was like realy wired. SO when i nocked on the dore this dude opend and so i thaught that was wired cause like i know that midgie isn't like a dude knida person. so i askd him like if midgie was like there and he was like no. so likes i dont think that migdei is were she sayd she would bee. and so to anser ur questin schol is good cause i ant maid a a or b yet.

sea u later

brocclie

Epistolary2011: August 3 2010Bertha,Just reminding you that you...

Dear Broch-ly,

It's me, your dear sister. Back home. We miss you... How's college treating your pea sized brain? Oh and guess what? I got your room! That's another bonus of you leaving. Ugh, it took me like three days to get the smell of out of the stinky room. What did you hide in there? Pizza boxes? Dead bodies? It was AWFUL. Your room is now painted green and purple, with Peta posters over the walls, it looks fabu!

So anyways, let's get to the chase. I was at the mechanic shop, where I work, in case you've forgotten, you over sized meat bag. The boys were all surrounding me, as usual. But they stopped and asked where Midgie Poo was. I said she left for college and they all disappeared to their own jobs. But, that got me thinking. I have a JOB for you, I want you to find out who Midge is staying with, her roommate? [I saw that movie, it's so CREEPY] If you could do that, that would be lovely. A few background checks a sample of her DNA. Just check her out, I don't want my BFF in danger of a mass murder.

[Are all these big words scaring you yet? Oh I hope not.] Ah I should be getting off to my protest about eating animals down at the McDonald's. Don't forget your job, you jock. Mum and Dad says Hi. Get good grades, will ya? Thank you. And remember eat school, don't do vegetables, and stay in drugs. Right? Oh well, toodles,

Your beloved sister dear,

Bertha Bellwether.


Epistolary2011: August 3 2010

Bertha,
Just reminding you that you...: "August 3 2010 Bertha, Just reminding you that you didn't check in with me last Monday. I'll let you off this one time but if it happens aga..."

August 3 2010

Bertha,
Just reminding you that you didn't check in with me last Monday. I'll let you off this one time
but if it happens again I WILL have to, well you know what. You are a good kid and you have potential. Just put your past behind you, live with the fact that you have to check in for a few months and you'll be fine.

Your friend and parole officer,

Frank

June 12, 2010

Hi Nicole!
Consider this a non-physical handshake/hug! I am so excited to be going to college; I'm sure we will have a great year together. Midge is fine with me. Normally everyone calls me Maggie, but I am willing to give Midge a try! Do you smell that? It's the scent of new friends, new oppurtunites, and most important of all, FREEDOM! Three cheers for that.

Don't worry, I don't drink or smoke, and I will try my best to be easy to get along with. No worries, morning and me don't get along very well either! I don't do the whole Christianity thing, but I do believe respect and hardwork will take you a long way. I just stay
out of trouble and try to be a good person, which has gotten me this far.

What are you interested in? I adore anything to do with English or Literature. What
do you like? I am planning on studying together and stuff if that's OK with you. When it comes
to science-anything, I need all the help I can get! Have you looked at the class schedule yet?

Oh, do you know how to get a cafeteria pass?My parents wanted to get me one of those so I wouldn't have worry much about food. They're sweet, but I don't think they realize how ridiculous they can be sometimes. I love them anyway. I have a 15-year-old sister named
Catherine, but everybody just calls her Cathi. What's your family like? I also have two goldfish
that are coming with me. Their names are Alphie and Myrtle.

Well, I better go. Can't wait!

Your future roomate,
"Midge"

June 8, 2010

Margaret Bowers,

Okay first off, can I call you Midge? I just can’t get used to the name ‘Margaret’… it sounds too formal. I guess you got the same letter I did, so you already know that my name's Nicole. But anyways, ETIAS has paired us as roomies, so I’d just like to let you know I have standards you’ll have to live up to if we’re gonna make whole ‘rooming together’ thing work out.


1.) I’m a Christian, and I don’t want you making fun of me for it. And if you’re one of those heathens who practices witchcraft or whatever, keep all that stuff to yourself. I don’t want a demon-possessed room.


2.) No smoking, drinking booze, inviting friends that drink booze and/or smoke, no taking or dealing drugs, and no killing people. All of that stuff is gross, and I won’t put up with it.


3.) If you’re a health freak, don’t try to get me to drink your grass juice. I’ll just eat my burger and fries, thank you very much.


4.) If you have an early class, don’t wake me up. I’m not the nicest person to be around when it’s early.



Those are all the main things, I guess. Well, I’ll see you there, Midge!


From the most awesome roommate in the world,


Nicole Fields

June 7, 2010

Office of Admissions
East Tennessee Institute of Arts and Sciences
805 Old Fifteenth Road
Sullivan, TN 37717

Re: Freshman Dormitory Assignments

Dear Misses Margaret Bowers and Nicole Fields:

We are delighted that you will be joining the freshman class of East Tennessee Institute of Arts and Sciences this fall. Although this is an exciting time for many students, it can also be fraught with trepidation and anxiety. This often stems from confusion regarding academic advisement, class schedules, and housing concerns. Please know that there is a dedicated employee of ETIAS assigned to address any questions you might have in each of these areas.

The following is your housing information:

Dorm: Blackburn Dorm, first floor
Room: 117
Students: Margaret Bowers and Nicole Fields

Blackburn is one of two freshman dorms for women. Each apartment has a bedroom, a sitting area, and a bathroom. The bedroom is furnished with two single beds and two built-in bureaus, and the sitting room offers two student desks. All other furniture, and all linens, must be provided by the tenants.

There is an insert accompanying this letter that will outline dormitory rules and regulations. Attached you will find the contact information of your new roommate. You are encouraged to get to know one another prior to the fall semester to make the transition to collegiate life as seamless as possible.

You may move in at any time during Freshman Welcome Week in August. Ms. Monahan is the Resident Administrator for Blackburn Dorm. She is a graduate of ETIAS, class of 1991, and is currently a tenured professor of Criminal Psychology, Technology in Law Enforcement, and Scrapbooking as a Business.

Ms. Monahan's apartment is located on the first floor of Blackburn, directly opposite the front lobby doors. If you have any questions, you may stop in an see her, or write to:

Ms. Mary Della Monahan
Campus Mail, Box 232
East Tennessee Institute of Arts and Sciences
805 Old Fifteenth Road
Sullivan, TN 37717

We look forward to meeting you in August!

Dear Girls,

I am excited to welcome you to Blackburn Dorm. I have been Resident Administrator here since 1995. Please feel free to drop in an have a tour of the dormitory. If I don't answer my apartment door, I may be in another part of the building, or in my office in the Business College. Just come find me...I am tall, forty years old, with short, curly blond hair, and a rather long nose :) . I am invariably dressed in black slacks or skirt, a white blouse and a black suit jacket. Just ask for Mad Dog Monahan, and someone can point you in the right direction.

Looking forward to meeting you both,

Sincerely,

MD Monahan

Welcome!

An epistolary is a work of literature based on letters from one or more characters. This is Literature Application's Round Robin Epistolary. Let the adventure begin!